Slightly Neurotic

Friday, July 17, 2009

Going, going, going

Weight loss has always been hard for me, the first time I put on a lot of weight was after I graduated from college, I stopped being a ski instructor and started a desk job. I quickly gained 15 lbs, that to this day, I have not been able to lose. That was seven years ago!

Since that time I have lost and put back on the same 10 pounds. I haven't been content with my body in so long it is depressing. A few years ago I trained for a marathon because it seemed like the only way to motivate myself to get out and exercise. Yet after the marathon I was a strong 135lbs, but no slimmer. And thanks to the intense training, I was so burned out from running I didn't exercise again for close to two years. In that time I went up and down and peaked at 144lbs. My highest weight ever.

Not wanting to enter my 30's still depressed over my size, I analyzed what I did wrong. First, when I trained for the marathon I didn't watch what I ate. I figured putting in 10-15 hours a week running would allow me to eat what ever I wanted to, and still lose weight. That is not the case. I also learned that participating in one form of exercie, no matter how much you love it, will burn you out.

So fast forward to present day. I am training for a triathlon and I am doing Weight Watchers. I managed to lose five pounds on my own, so I stepped on the scale at 139 lbs, (one pound less than when I did weight watchers the first time). Since then, I have seen my personal scale go down to 135.2 lbs. Part of me is very happy, and part of me is depressed since this time last summer I was 128 lbs.

My goal is to get down to 115 lbs, I haven't weighed that since my Junior year of high school. So I am ready to deal with the fact that 115 lbs is never going to be doable, so I am setting my sights first on 120lbs.

I feel like I am not free to talk about my weight loss to my friends or the guys I have dated. They all roll their eyes and tell me I look great, and I have nothing to worry about. But these women are twigs! They eat everything in sight and they are size 2. I would love to be a size 2, but thanks to my genetics I will be thrilled if I fit in to a size 4. The only people that seem supportive are the friends that are also trying to lose weight.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want friends that nod their head and say "15 lbs? maybe you should consider losing 30 lbs." But on the flip side, I would love to hear a friend say "I think you would look amazing if you took that weight off, we should go shopping, or on a trip, or to the beach, to show off that hot bod when you are done. Do you want to borrow my amazing cookbook/workout video/personal trainer?"

So there you have it, another thing that I am slightly neurotic about.

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